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  Programmer jokes  (Read 11442 times)
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Offline ags1

JGO Wizard


Medals: 72
Projects: 3
Exp: 5 years


Make code not war!


« Reply #60 - Posted 2014-05-05 22:21:04 »

The teacher says "I read the whole thing, and you're not even wrong."

Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #61 - Posted 2014-05-05 22:24:18 »

The teacher says "Tell me about your process."

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline DarkCart

JGO Knight


Medals: 23
Projects: 7
Exp: 2 years


Power of the mind over flesh


« Reply #62 - Posted 2014-05-05 22:25:04 »

Programmers don't take a byte... they just nibble a bit.

Play Mazer | Or visit Sticks | Or try out SJGL
Games published by our own members! Check 'em out!
Legends of Yore - The Casual Retro Roguelike
Offline BurntPizza

« JGO Bitwise Duke »


Medals: 271
Exp: 5 years



« Reply #63 - Posted 2014-05-05 22:25:45 »

The teacher says "Tell me about your process."

Offline Slyth2727
« Reply #64 - Posted 2014-05-05 22:32:51 »

The teacher says, "I'm here to teach you to program."

Learning to program in school is a joke.

Was I before Chuang Tzu who dreamt about being a butterfly, or am I now a butterfly who dreams about being Chuang Tzu?
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #65 - Posted 2014-05-05 22:42:37 »

I'm scared. It will probably print "I wuv u", but...

* Riven is not turning that into an exe.

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline BurntPizza

« JGO Bitwise Duke »


Medals: 271
Exp: 5 years



« Reply #66 - Posted 2014-05-05 22:45:27 »

I'm scared. It will probably print "I wuv u", but...

* Riven is not turning that into an exe.

It's the Wikipedia favicon.



EDIT: In other news, I scared The Overlord! Do I get a prize? What, /dev/null? Nooooo...
Offline m77

« In padded room »

« Reply #67 - Posted 2014-05-05 22:54:14 »

hello blowjobs
Offline m77

« In padded room »

« Reply #68 - Posted 2014-05-05 23:06:03 »

yo give me some medals
Offline Mr.CodeIt

Junior Devvie





« Reply #69 - Posted 2014-05-05 23:26:55 »

Why do programmers always fail math tests?





They count by zer0

I'm not drunk, I've just been up late coding.
Games published by our own members! Check 'em out!
Legends of Yore - The Casual Retro Roguelike
Offline opiop65

JGO Kernel


Medals: 159
Projects: 7
Exp: 3 years


JumpButton Studios


« Reply #70 - Posted 2014-05-05 23:30:32 »

Quote
zer0
That 0 at the end seems a little redundant Wink

Offline philfrei
« Reply #71 - Posted 2014-05-05 23:36:49 »

Quote
Why do programmers always fail math tests?
They count by zer0

That reminds me of the wedding card I got from my father (RIP, was an IBM programmer):

Happy 0th Anniversary!

"It's after the end of the world! Don't you know that yet?"
Offline BurntPizza

« JGO Bitwise Duke »


Medals: 271
Exp: 5 years



« Reply #72 - Posted 2014-05-05 23:38:12 »

Quote
Why do programmers always fail math tests?
They count by zer0

That reminds me of the wedding card I got from my father (RIP, was an IBM programmer):

Happy 0th Anniversary!

Mine would involve NaN. :\
Offline Mr.CodeIt

Junior Devvie





« Reply #73 - Posted 2014-05-05 23:39:53 »

Quote
h
zer0
That 0 at the end seems a little redundant Wink
I did it just because it was the number zero. heh

I'm not drunk, I've just been up late coding.
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #74 - Posted 2014-05-05 23:52:57 »

Stop staring! Cranky
1  
2  
3  
4  
5  
     public static void main(String[] args) {
          for(int i=5; i>=0; i--) {
               System.out.print(Math.sqrt(args.length-i));
          }
     }

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline CodeHead

JGO Knight


Medals: 41


From rags to riches...to rags.


« Reply #75 - Posted 2014-05-06 00:03:12 »

"Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction – from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work." - Anonymous

Arthur: Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?
Ash: Nope. Just me baby...Just me.
Offline BurntPizza

« JGO Bitwise Duke »


Medals: 271
Exp: 5 years



« Reply #76 - Posted 2014-05-06 00:11:22 »

Stop staring! Cranky
1  
2  
3  
4  
5  
     public static void main(String[] args) {
          for(int i=5; i>0; i--) {
               System.out.print(Math.sqrt(args.length-i));
          }
     }


".... Batmaaan!"

Offline HeroesGraveDev

JGO Kernel


Medals: 294
Projects: 11
Exp: 3 years


┬─┬ノ(ಠ_ಠノ)(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻


« Reply #77 - Posted 2014-05-06 07:49:26 »

yo give me some medals

Hmmmm... why not?

Offline jonjava
« Reply #78 - Posted 2014-05-06 07:55:19 »

1  
console.log( typeof NaN === 'number' ); // true



Offline Vip3r

Junior Newbie


Exp: 2 years



« Reply #79 - Posted 2014-05-08 18:36:02 »

LMFAO this one got me XD
Offline BurntPizza

« JGO Bitwise Duke »


Medals: 271
Exp: 5 years



« Reply #80 - Posted 2014-05-10 23:53:57 »

Guy 1: "Here's a joke about tcp."

"Here's a joke about tcp."

"Here's a joke about tcp."
"Here's a joke about tcp."
"Here's a joke about tcp."
"Here's a joke about tcp."
"Here's a joke about tcp."
"Here's a joke about tcp."
"Here's a joke about tcp."

Guy 2: "ACK"
Offline matheus23

JGO Kernel


Medals: 113
Projects: 3


You think about my Avatar right now!


« Reply #81 - Posted 2014-05-11 08:07:00 »

Guy 1:
"He e  s about joke upd is"

Guy 2: "Eeehh..."

See my:
    My development Blog:     | Or look at my RPG | Or simply my coding
http://matheusdev.tumblr.comRuins of Revenge  |      On Github
Offline theagentd

« JGO Bitwise Duke »


Medals: 361
Projects: 2
Exp: 8 years



« Reply #82 - Posted 2014-05-11 14:04:19 »


Guy 1:
"Here' sa joke about UDP!"

Guy 2:
"..."

Guy 1:
"Here's a jok about UDP!"

Guy 2:
"..."

Guy 1:
"Her's a joke about UDP!"

Guy 2:
"..."

Guy 1:
"Here's a joke about UDP!"

Guy 2:
"Oh, you're talking to me?"

Myomyomyo.
Offline philfrei
« Reply #83 - Posted 2014-05-12 01:41:29 »

And we've gone full circle.

"It's after the end of the world! Don't you know that yet?"
Offline BurntPizza

« JGO Bitwise Duke »


Medals: 271
Exp: 5 years



« Reply #84 - Posted 2014-05-12 01:46:11 »

And we've gone full circle.

You just got the packets we sent responding to the OP.
Offline UprightPath
« Reply #85 - Posted 2014-05-12 02:14:47 »

Guy 2:
"Oh, you're talking to me?"

Guy 2:
"Oh, you'r e takling to me?"

Guy 1:
"..."

Guy 2:
"Oh, you're talking to me?"

Guy 1:
"Oh, yea h I wa s."

Guy 2:
"..."

Offline DarkCart

JGO Knight


Medals: 23
Projects: 7
Exp: 2 years


Power of the mind over flesh


« Reply #86 - Posted 2014-05-21 16:28:16 »

Click to Play

Play Mazer | Or visit Sticks | Or try out SJGL
Offline SHC
« Reply #87 - Posted 2014-06-23 14:44:25 »

Q: Why do Java programmers wear glasses?
A: Because they can't C#

Offline BrendynT

Junior Devvie


Medals: 3
Projects: 1
Exp: 7-9 months


CRTL + SHIFT + F = OP!


« Reply #88 - Posted 2014-06-23 17:39:01 »

Why did the chicken cross the road..... 011101000110111100100000011001110110010101110100001000000111010001101111001000000111010001101000011 001010010000001101111011101000110100001100101011100100010000001110011011010010110010001100101001011 10

- The Firm Night Owl
Offline ra4king

JGO Kernel


Medals: 355
Projects: 3
Exp: 5 years


I'm the King!


« Reply #89 - Posted 2014-06-23 22:39:34 »

"Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."

"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"

"Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."

"OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."

"Ok, I will hear a TCP joke."

"Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"

"Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."

"Ok, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline."

"Ok, I am ready to get your TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have an explicit setting, and ends with a punchline."

"I'm sorry, your connection has timed out. Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"

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