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  A programmer walks into a bar and says...  (Read 7047 times)
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Offline SimonH
« Posted 2009-11-15 02:23:43 »

I was inspired by this thread to look for (funny) jokes about programers and found almost none! Are we so dour?
I hereby offer a special prize for the best completion of the thread title...

PS no marks for l33t jokes!

People make games and games make people
Offline SimonH
« Reply #1 - Posted 2009-11-15 02:28:35 »

Hey, Great idea! I'll have a go;

A programmer walks into a bar and says to the barman; 'Hey! give me a double' and the barman says; 'A float would be quicker!'

[EDIT]
That's just rubbish! score=-1000 marks. Hmmm... How about;

A programmer walks into a bar and says to the barman; 'Give me a slammer on the rocks with a dash, a slice and a blood top' and the barman says; 'yeah, yeah. It's always the same routine with you...'


People make games and games make people
Offline zoto

Senior Devvie


Medals: 4



« Reply #2 - Posted 2009-11-15 05:12:48 »

If your mom was a collection class, her insert method would be public.

I just read lame programmer jokes for the  past hour, your right, this is the best I could find:
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Legends of Yore - The Casual Retro Roguelike
Offline bobjob

JGO Knight


Medals: 10
Projects: 4


David Aaron Muhar


« Reply #3 - Posted 2009-11-15 05:14:37 »

this is one i got from a t-shirt

there are 10 types of people.
people the understand binary
and people that dont.

couldnt think of how to convert it into a bar joke.   Undecided

My Projects
Games, Webcam chat, Video screencast, PDF tools.

Javagaming.org with chat room
Offline xinaesthetic

Senior Devvie


Medals: 1



« Reply #4 - Posted 2009-11-15 09:48:13 »

This is quite funny, I reckon:

http://www.monzy.com/intro/drama_lyrics.html

There's some other similar things about, but I think this is the peak of the genre.

[edit] for context, that was written in response to some slightly weaker stuff done under the name 'MC++' (http://www.mcplusplus.com/)

...and a favourite quote from Monzy:

Quote
Your mum circulates like a public key
Servicing more requests than HTTP
She keeps all her ports open like Windows ME
Yeah there's so much drama in the phd
Offline CaptainJester

JGO Knight


Medals: 12
Projects: 2
Exp: 14 years


Make it work; make it better.


« Reply #5 - Posted 2009-11-15 13:12:22 »

A programmer walks into a bar and says 1001111011101010110001101101000100001

Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #6 - Posted 2009-11-15 13:29:38 »

An underage programmer public static void main's a bar. The barman objects, but makes an exception.



 persecutioncomplex

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline Wildern

Junior Devvie





« Reply #7 - Posted 2009-11-15 13:59:01 »

Not really a bar joke, but....


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it's a hardware problem.
Offline kappa
« League of Dukes »

JGO Kernel


Medals: 78
Projects: 15


★★★★★


« Reply #8 - Posted 2009-11-15 14:11:48 »

Quote
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”

 Smiley
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #9 - Posted 2009-11-15 14:13:58 »

A programmer walks into a bar, but leaves right away once he notices the dancers have an incompatible swing.

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Games published by our own members! Check 'em out!
Legends of Yore - The Casual Retro Roguelike
Offline Markus_Persson

JGO Wizard


Medals: 16
Projects: 19


Mojang Specifications


« Reply #10 - Posted 2009-11-15 14:15:23 »

It's not really a joke, but I find it funny:
1  
throw (NullPointerException)null;


I can't decide if it's horrible or elegant.

Play Minecraft!
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #11 - Posted 2009-11-15 14:25:04 »

A programmer walks into a totally silent bar. Oh, the tranquility of JavaSound...

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #12 - Posted 2009-11-15 14:30:41 »

A JavaFX programmer walks into a bar, and signs 3 certificates.

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #13 - Posted 2009-11-15 14:39:00 »

A programmer walks into a bar and says: 'do you really need instructions?'

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #14 - Posted 2009-11-15 14:43:46 »

A programmer walks into a foreign bar and looks around for an interpreter.

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline Hsaka
« Reply #15 - Posted 2009-11-15 15:13:50 »

1  
2  
if (programmer.walksIntoBar())
    System.out.println("Ouch!");


I like this one:

["hip","hip"]

(hip hip array...)
Offline bienator

Senior Devvie




OutOfCoffeeException


« Reply #16 - Posted 2009-11-15 15:53:21 »

A programmer walks into a bar and says 1001111011101010110001101101000100001
A programmer walks into a bar and says CAFE BABE

[edit] @Riven ROFL!

Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #17 - Posted 2009-11-15 16:06:37 »

This is for the Eclipse folks here:


A programmer walks into a bar and controls space.

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Offline Alric

Junior Devvie


Projects: 1



« Reply #18 - Posted 2009-11-15 16:16:18 »

oops bar jokes thread Wink

Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #19 - Posted 2009-11-15 16:22:53 »

An opensource programmer walks into a bar, and asks the barman: is your tap water free as in free speech or free beer?

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #20 - Posted 2009-11-15 16:35:43 »

A programmer with a terrible hangover crashes into a bar, takes a seat, shifts a bit, leaving a dump.

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline CommanderKeith
« Reply #21 - Posted 2009-11-15 16:44:30 »

A JavaFX programmer walks into a bar, and signs 3 certificates.

Lol!

A java webstart programmer is invited to a bar but fails to deploy

Offline CommanderKeith
« Reply #22 - Posted 2009-11-15 16:48:48 »

A poor programmer walks into a Generic bar but gets rejected

Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #23 - Posted 2009-11-15 16:57:02 »

A programmer rushes into a bar, only to take a leak, leaving the barman with a cache miss.

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

« JGO Overlord »


Medals: 832
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #24 - Posted 2009-11-15 17:18:58 »

A Scala programmer walks into a primitive bar, and says: 'I can't function like this'.

A programmer casts a primitive spell on a bar. The barman narrowingly escapses.

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline woogley
« Reply #25 - Posted 2009-11-15 17:28:37 »

here's a real knee slapper ...

Quote
A SQL query walks into bar and asks ... "can I join these tables?"

headdesk.
Offline Alric

Junior Devvie


Projects: 1



« Reply #26 - Posted 2009-11-15 17:34:24 »

A programmer walks in to a bar and asks for a for a menu.
Barman "certainly, and how about a table by the window? It has a great view of our fields"
Programmer "Perfect. Is there access for guests?"
Barman: "Yes but the architect made a hash of it"

Programmer "Oh well, the window is fine. Can I start a tab?"
Barman "Of course, but remember we close at 10"
Programer "Can't you make an exception?"
Barman "Look I don't know what you're used to but we close on time and clean up, no exceptions".

Offline i30817

Junior Devvie





« Reply #27 - Posted 2009-11-15 21:06:47 »

A programmer walks in the bar and two girls check him out.
"He has so much class" says one.
The other retorts:
"I heard he was made in java".
Offline Nate

« JGO Bitwise Duke »


Medals: 158
Projects: 4
Exp: 14 years


Esoteric Software


« Reply #28 - Posted 2009-11-15 23:02:43 »

A programmer walks in the bar and two girls check him out.
"He has so much class" says one.
The other retorts:
"I heard he was made in java".
Ouch. Tongue throw new ThreadDeath();

Offline JavaMan2

Senior Newbie





« Reply #29 - Posted 2009-11-16 00:40:50 »

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”
 Smiley

That's a good one.

Sad, but true. Especially with that FX.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge"~Albert Einstein
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