Java-Gaming.org    
Featured games (79)
games approved by the League of Dukes
Games in Showcase (475)
Games in Android Showcase (106)
games submitted by our members
Games in WIP (530)
games currently in development
News: Read the Java Gaming Resources, or peek at the official Java tutorials
 
    Home     Help   Search   Login   Register   
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4
  ignore  |  Print  
  Programmer jokes  (Read 6602 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Offline Drenius
« Reply #30 - Posted 2014-03-19 21:38:32 »

Or a short! (no idea about English, but it is senseful in German...)
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

JGO Overlord


Medals: 742
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #31 - Posted 2014-03-19 21:55:06 »

Can you serve me a drink while I shift in this char?
- Sure, but it might overflow a bit.






 Emo

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline Drenius
« Reply #32 - Posted 2014-03-19 22:01:49 »

Let the medals begin...
Games published by our own members! Check 'em out!
Legends of Yore - The Casual Retro Roguelike
Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

JGO Overlord


Medals: 742
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #33 - Posted 2014-03-19 22:02:51 »

I'm hopeless. I'd much rather feed this thread to the chitchat monster, than to get my medals from this kind of crap Smiley

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline Drenius
« Reply #34 - Posted 2014-03-19 22:03:21 »

No, its a good thread.
Offline saucymeatman
« Reply #35 - Posted 2014-03-19 22:29:21 »

I'm hopeless. I'd much rather feed this thread to the chitchat monster, than to get my medals from this kind of crap Smiley
Well spoken, +1
Offline theagentd
« Reply #36 - Posted 2014-03-20 01:29:49 »

It's okay, Riven. I can just hold all those medals for you if they're so heavy.  Roll Eyes

Myomyomyo.
Offline DrHalfway
« Reply #37 - Posted 2014-03-20 03:39:07 »

99 little bugs in the code
99 bugs in the code
Fix one bug, compile it again
101 little bugs in the code.

101 little bugs in the code
101 bugs in the code
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code.

Offline Gibbo3771
« Reply #38 - Posted 2014-03-20 08:34:14 »

2 bytes walk into a bar, the bartender says, "what can I get you guys?".

"Make us a double!".

Wouldn't that be two floats?

Wouldn't sound right lol

"This code works flawlessly first time and exactly how I wanted it"
Said no programmer ever
Offline Roquen
« Reply #39 - Posted 2014-03-20 09:45:48 »

1  
2  
3  
4  
5  
6  
7  
8  
9  
10  
11  
12  
13  
14  
15  
16  
17  
18  
19  
20  
21  
22  
23  
24  
25  
26  
27  
28  
29  
30  
31  
32  
33  
34  
35  
36  
37  
38  
39  
40  
41  
42  
43  
44  
45  
46  
47  
48  
49  
50  
51  
52  
53  
54  
55  
56  
  public void printJokes()
  {
    java.util.Random rng = java.util.concurrent.ThreadLocalRandom.current();
   
    for(Book book : books) {
      String title = book.title.toLowerCase();
      int    ha    = 0;
     
      if (title.contains("best"))           ha++;
      if (title.contains("modular"))        ha++;
      if (title.contains("teach yourself")) ha++;
      if (title.contains("learn to"))   ha++;
      if (title.contains("agile"))      ha++;
      if (title.contains("extreme"))    ha++;
      if (title.contains("wicked"))     ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("cool"))       ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("hardcore"))   ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("expert"))     ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("killer"))     ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("awesome"))    ha += 3;
      if (title.contains("days"))       ha += 7;
      if (title.contains("weeks"))      ha += 6;
      if (title.contains("like a pro")) ha += 2;
      if (title.contains("by example")) ha++;
      if (title.contains("with examples")) ha++;
      if (title.contains("software engineering")) ha++;
      if (title.contains("patterns"))   ha++;
     
      if (ha != 0) {
        int first = ha <= 3 ? ha : ha-3;
        int last  = ha-first;
       
        String joke = book.title + "?  ";
       
        do {
          while(first != 0) {
            joke += "ha";
            if (rng.nextBoolean()) joke += "! ";
            first--;
          }
         
          joke += "!";
       
          if (last != 0) {
            joke += " Stop! You're killing me!";
            first = last;
            last  = 0;
         } else break;
        } while(true);
       
       
        System.out.println(joke);
      }
     
    }
  }
Games published by our own members! Check 'em out!
Legends of Yore - The Casual Retro Roguelike
Offline Oskuro

JGO Knight


Medals: 39
Exp: 6 years


Coding in Style


« Reply #40 - Posted 2014-03-20 15:51:41 »

A Java Programmer, a C++ Programmer and a Pascal Programmer walk into a bar.

Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

JGO Overlord


Medals: 742
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #41 - Posted 2014-03-20 19:52:41 »

A Java Programmer, a C++ Programmer and a Pascal Programmer walk into a bar.
It's funny because it's the JCP in action.

* Riven runs

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline krausest

Junior Member


Exp: 15 years


I love YaBB 1G - SP1!


« Reply #42 - Posted 2014-03-20 20:08:36 »

The two hardest problems facing computer programmers:

1. cache invalidation
2. naming things, and
3. off-by-one errors

(e.g. from http://boards.fool.com/two-hardest-problems-in-computer-science-30444219.aspx)
Offline JVallius
« Reply #43 - Posted 2014-03-24 12:43:06 »

Offline matheus23

JGO Kernel


Medals: 106
Projects: 3


You think about my Avatar right now!


« Reply #44 - Posted 2014-03-25 18:55:42 »

A blind man is standing at the traffic light.

Next to him there's a programmer.

The blind man asks the programmer: "Is the traffic light red, yellow or green?" (We have those colors in germany/europe).

The programmer answers "Yes.".

Wink

See my:
    My development Blog:     | Or look at my RPG | Or simply my coding
http://matheusdev.tumblr.comRuins of Revenge  |      On Github
Offline SHC
« Reply #45 - Posted 2014-03-26 06:36:16 »


Offline SHC
« Reply #46 - Posted 2014-03-26 06:38:44 »

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

Offline SHC
« Reply #47 - Posted 2014-03-26 06:53:00 »

1  
2  
3  
4  
5  
6  
7  
8  
9  
10  
11  
12  
public class Foo
{
    public static void bar()
    {
        System.out.println("Hello World!");
    }

    public static void main(String[] args)
    {
        Foo.bar();
    }
}

A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says "Hello World!"

Offline Drenius
« Reply #48 - Posted 2014-03-27 22:07:09 »

Quote
A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says "Hello World!"
Answer: "0"
Offline kpars

JGO Wizard


Medals: 75
Projects: 4
Exp: 3 years


Radirius Software Developer


« Reply #49 - Posted 2014-03-28 08:39:09 »

I made this gem earlier:


- Jev

Check out #JGO on EsperNet IRC! | Check out the MERCury 2D Java Game Library! | Also, Check out My Site
Offline jonjava
« Reply #50 - Posted 2014-04-01 21:01:51 »

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/BKorP55Aqvg?version=3&amp;hl=en_US&amp;start=" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/BKorP55Aqvg?version=3&amp;hl=en_US&amp;start=</a>

Offline SHC
« Reply #51 - Posted 2014-04-30 18:08:25 »

"Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance."

Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

JGO Overlord


Medals: 742
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #52 - Posted 2014-04-30 22:12:03 »

On that note, I dare every programmer here to look in the mirror and tell me your reflection isn't ugly.

(and still you love modeling)




 persecutioncomplex

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Offline BurntPizza
« Reply #53 - Posted 2014-04-30 23:11:17 »

On that note, I dare every programmer here to look in the mirror and tell me your reflection isn't ugly.

1  
2  
3  
4  
5  
6  
fname.setAccessible(true);
int mods = fname.getModifiers();
Field modF = fname.getClass().getDeclaredField("modifiers");
mods = mods & ~Modifier.FINAL;
modF.setAccessible(true);
modF.setInt(fname, mods);


Yep, damn ugly.
Offline Slyth2727
« Reply #54 - Posted 2014-05-05 13:15:12 »

1  
2  
3  
public void toMyMadness() {
   beCrazy();
}

Was I before Chuang Tzu who dreamt about being a butterfly, or am I now a butterfly who dreams about being Chuang Tzu?
Offline theagentd
« Reply #55 - Posted 2014-05-05 14:10:49 »

On that note, I dare every programmer here to look in the mirror and tell me your reflection isn't ugly.

I once wrote a simple script parser for a visual novel engine thingy, and I used reflection to map script called functions to Java functions. The only ugly part was that I had to change all function arguments that had primitive types to use wrapper classes instead (int input ---> Integer input). That was IMHO one of the coolest things I've ever done. >_>

Myomyomyo.
Offline ags1

JGO Ninja


Medals: 46
Projects: 2
Exp: 5 years


Make code not war!


« Reply #56 - Posted 2014-05-06 00:05:05 »

public void mirror(FacialConfiguration face) throws CrackedMirrorException {
    if (face.isProgrammer() && !face.isAgs()) {
        throw new CrackedMirrorException();
    }
    throw new VanityOverflowException(); //unchecked
}

Offline BurntPizza
« Reply #57 - Posted 2014-05-06 00:07:09 »

public void mirror(FacialConfiguration face) throws CrackedMirrorException {
    if (face.isProgrammer() && !face.isAgs()) {
        throw new CrackedMirrorException();
    }
    throw new VanityOverflowException(); //unchecked
}


Your vanity goes unchecked!
Offline DarkCart

JGO Coder


Medals: 11
Projects: 5
Exp: 1 year


Power of the mind over flesh


« Reply #58 - Posted 2014-05-06 00:10:44 »

A student hands his programming task to the teacher. The teacher says "I'm (EDIT) 8K in and have no idea what you're saying"

Offline Riven
« League of Dukes »

JGO Overlord


Medals: 742
Projects: 4
Exp: 16 years


Hand over your head.


« Reply #59 - Posted 2014-05-06 00:19:22 »

The teacher says "I'm 8K in and have no idea what you're saying"
There, FTFY. Emo

Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾
Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4
  ignore  |  Print  
 
 

 

Add your game by posting it in the WIP section,
or publish it in Showcase.

The first screenshot will be displayed as a thumbnail.

pw (11 views)
2014-07-24 01:59:36

Riven (9 views)
2014-07-23 21:16:32

Riven (11 views)
2014-07-23 21:07:15

Riven (12 views)
2014-07-23 20:56:16

ctomni231 (42 views)
2014-07-18 06:55:21

Zero Volt (38 views)
2014-07-17 23:47:54

danieldean (32 views)
2014-07-17 23:41:23

MustardPeter (34 views)
2014-07-16 23:30:00

Cero (49 views)
2014-07-16 00:42:17

Riven (50 views)
2014-07-14 18:02:53
HotSpot Options
by dleskov
2014-07-08 03:59:08

Java and Game Development Tutorials
by SwordsMiner
2014-06-14 00:58:24

Java and Game Development Tutorials
by SwordsMiner
2014-06-14 00:47:22

How do I start Java Game Development?
by ra4king
2014-05-17 11:13:37

HotSpot Options
by Roquen
2014-05-15 09:59:54

HotSpot Options
by Roquen
2014-05-06 15:03:10

Escape Analysis
by Roquen
2014-04-29 22:16:43

Experimental Toys
by Roquen
2014-04-28 13:24:22
java-gaming.org is not responsible for the content posted by its members, including references to external websites, and other references that may or may not have a relation with our primarily gaming and game production oriented community. inquiries and complaints can be sent via email to the info‑account of the company managing the website of java‑gaming.org
Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.18 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines | Managed by Enhanced Four Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!