philfrei
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Posted
2014-03-17 01:36:08 » |
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I'd tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
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I prefer IP jokes; its all in the delivery.
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I could tell you a joke about TCP, but I'd have to keep repeating it until you got it.
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"We all secretly believe we are right about everything and, by extension, we are all wrong." W. Storr, The Unpersuadables
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BurntPizza
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Reply #1 - Posted
2014-03-17 01:37:33 » |
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"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who didn't expect this to be a base 3 joke."
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philfrei
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Reply #2 - Posted
2014-03-17 01:43:52 » |
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A programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
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"We all secretly believe we are right about everything and, by extension, we are all wrong." W. Storr, The Unpersuadables
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Games published by our own members! Check 'em out!
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Rayvolution
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Reply #3 - Posted
2014-03-17 02:07:22 » |
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A programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
That one got me actually LOL'ing  |
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HeroesGraveDev
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Reply #4 - Posted
2014-03-17 04:55:24 » |
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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
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Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, 'I know, I'll use threads' - and then two they hav erpoblesms.
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Two programmers walk into a foo.
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A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.
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A physician, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"
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Gibbo3771
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Reply #5 - Posted
2014-03-17 06:09:00 » |
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A programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
Golden Lol. Need to keep that one in mind :p |
"This code works flawlessly first time and exactly how I wanted it"
Said no programmer ever |
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Drenius
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Reply #6 - Posted
2014-03-17 20:09:46 » |
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["hip","hip"]
hip hip array.
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UprightPath
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Reply #7 - Posted
2014-03-17 20:35:40 » |
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["hip","hip"]
hip hip array.
I lost it. -------------------------------------- What's an C Programmer's favorite food? Spaghetti. -------------------------------------- (From an actual CS text I owned in the back.) Recursion (See Recursive.) Recursive (See Recursion.) |
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junkdog
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Reply #8 - Posted
2014-03-17 20:37:16 » |
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artemis-odb: bugfixing and performance optimized fork of artemis ECS
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Roquen
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Reply #9 - Posted
2014-03-17 20:38:23 » |
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Games published by our own members! Check 'em out!
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BurntPizza
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Reply #10 - Posted
2014-03-17 20:41:51 » |
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I've seen that before, still funny as hell. Not sure which is more sad, these jokes, or that I have heard almost all of them before... |
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zngga
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Reply #11 - Posted
2014-03-17 21:18:24 » |
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Software is a lot like sex, make one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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My code never has bugs... it just develops unexpected features!
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Mike
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Reply #12 - Posted
2014-03-17 21:26:15 » |
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BurntPizza
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Reply #14 - Posted
2014-03-18 00:13:52 » |
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kpars
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Reply #15 - Posted
2014-03-18 07:42:37 » |
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Yo' mamma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.
- Jev
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Grunnt
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Reply #16 - Posted
2014-03-18 08:05:58 » |
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I really like this one from xkcd:  Sadly, most people I meet don't get it.. |
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pjt33
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Reply #17 - Posted
2014-03-18 08:14:32 » |
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How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette packet: smoking is injurious to health!" The boy replies: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
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Roquen
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Reply #18 - Posted
2014-03-18 08:54:36 » |
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Strange I can't think of hardly any. Here's some oldies.
Standards are great. Everyone should have one.
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just redefine darkness to be the standard.
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kpars
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Reply #19 - Posted
2014-03-18 09:05:04 » |
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I swear if any single one of you make another bad joke I will detach the living **** out of your HEAD, and I won't even try to merge it back for you. I can destroy your repository instantly, without even trying. Fear me.
Git it?
- Jev
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Riven
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Reply #20 - Posted
2014-03-18 21:53:14 » |
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In Soviet Russia, null refers to you!
(I'm truely sorry for this odd attempt at being funny)
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Hi, appreciate more people! Σ ♥ = ¾ Learn how to award medals... and work your way up the social rankings! |
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BurntPizza
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Reply #21 - Posted
2014-03-18 21:56:21 » |
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(I'm truely sorry for this odd attempt at being funny)
Fault seg's you! Nope, still not funny :\ |
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Grunnt
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Reply #23 - Posted
2014-03-19 07:38:44 » |
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In the category bad jokes:
Chuck Norris his first program was kill -9
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kpars
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Reply #24 - Posted
2014-03-19 13:50:23 » |
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It hurts when IP.
- Jev
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SHC
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Reply #25 - Posted
2014-03-19 14:14:25 » |
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What does a computer scientist wear on Halloween?
A bit-mask.
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SHC
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Reply #26 - Posted
2014-03-19 14:34:46 » |
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The First Poem Written for Computers 1
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^"`$$-
!*=@$_
%*<>~4
&[]../
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For you somewhat cybernetically challenged, it goes something like this (using the proper cyber-names): 1
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| Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH |
From http://www.cise.ufl.edu/~ddd/poem.htm |
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Roquen
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Reply #27 - Posted
2014-03-19 14:43:44 » |
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The hype around LISP is all cons.
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Gibbo3771
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Reply #28 - Posted
2014-03-19 17:22:55 » |
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2 bytes walk into a bar, the bartender says, "what can I get you guys?".
"Make us a double!".
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"This code works flawlessly first time and exactly how I wanted it"
Said no programmer ever |
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BurntPizza
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Reply #29 - Posted
2014-03-19 20:36:59 » |
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2 bytes walk into a bar, the bartender says, "what can I get you guys?".
"Make us a double!".
Wouldn't that be two floats? |
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