On the contrary, there are plenty of commercially available CPU and memory profilers which work just fine. I've personally used JProfiler with good results, and in the past have also successfully used OptimizeIt and a couple of others. It's only HotSpot's built-in (and unspecified) profiler which has this drastic slowdown, though I agree this is a problem which needs to be fixed. For a free memory leak profiler I'd recommend the NetBeans profiler which I think works pretty well.
Not criticising you personally, but just to answer some of your points there, which I think are unfairly glossing over some serious issues:
1. Java ethos, platform and tools: you can get it for free. Saying "you have to pay for one of the tools you need to do java development" sits uncomfortably with that. Profiling is a fundamental platform feature: it needs to be available for free.
2. Netbeans profiling of a remote server isn't easy, whereas with -Xprof it was identical to profiling a local app. Getting a *customer* to profile with -Xprof was exceptionally easy; getting them to do it with netbeans? Ouch.
3. Replacing a core tool with an implementation that is only available in Sun's own IDE scares a lot of people. Right or wrong, most people don't use that IDE; can they expect more of the core tools to migrate to this foreign IDE in the future? Will netbeans gradually become the "only" java IDE?